


My ordinary sorrow

by FrostKit_Kumikochii



Category: Love Live! School Idol Festival (Video Game), Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Romance, F/F, One-sided attraction?, cross-posted from fanfiction.net, just love my OTPs getting sad, still don't know how to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-09
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2019-03-28 23:16:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13914258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrostKit_Kumikochii/pseuds/FrostKit_Kumikochii
Summary: This feeling of mine and this pain in my chest. A very cliched pain and sorrow. How I wish to forget everything. This ordinary sorrow of mine. Somewhat prequel/sequel of IF.





	My ordinary sorrow

**Author's Note:**

> can be read with or without IF but you can understand better if you do read it.  
> Italics with underline: Flashback  
> Bolded: Song lyric  
> Italic: thoughts

"Alright, спокойной ночи (good night). Un, I love you too." As I put my phone down and lay in bed I close my eyes and let my mind wander. I just finished talking to my girlfriend, Alysa Romanova. She’s a half Japanese and also my first childhood friend when I was in Russia. She told me she moved to japan a few months ago and just recently applied for a job somewhere (coincidentally) near Otonakizaka. I remember how we ended up in a relationship.

 

 _ We met up again soon after our first meet. After the few weeks reminiscing our memories and catching up we decided to hang out again a few days after, and that _ _ ’ _ _ s when she confessed to me. It was at the beach when she suddenly revealed that she actually liked me and asked if I would become her girlfriend. I was shocked more because of the sudden confession than the fact that she likes girls. Then I told her to give me a few time to think and she agrees. I guess it was obvious that the confession is troubling me because the next day, at school Nozomi kept on glancing at me with that worried eyes of her. I knew she wanted to ask - I haven _ _ ’ _ _ t told her about the confession yet- if I was ok but I would shake my head and smile, just to make her less worried. I was still debating that night whether to accept Alysa _ _ ’ _ _ s confession of not. Accepting it would mean I would have to forget my own feelings _ _ … _ _ but rejecting would mean that this feeling of mine is real _ _ … _

__

_ Sighing, I looked outside. It's dark but the moons and stars are shining so beautifully. I'm still scared of the dark but not that much, not since **she** helped me. It was before  _ _ μ _ _ 's was formed.  _

 

_ [flashback] _

" _Elicchi, don't cry." Nozomi comforts me. It was raining and we were in my room discussing on the student council work when she decided to close the light. When it gotten dark I immediately hid under my bed cover, my fear intensified with the sound of thunder rumbling outside. "Elicchi, I'm sorry." I peek under the cover and saw her face. She was smirking but I could see some guilt in her eyes. It pains me seeing it on her face so I slowly sit up. "Come here Elicchi." As soon I was out of the cover, she hugged me and I hugged her back._ _“_ _There, there. It's alright, I'm here Elicchi." She pats my head and smoothen my messy hair._

__

_ The pitter patter of the rain helped me calmed down but not enough to calm my racing heart. It is beating so fast, I _ _ ’ _ _ m afraid that Nozomi will hear them. Once I _ _ ’ _ _ m completely fine I release myself trying to hide the growing blush on my face.  _ _ “ _ _ A-Arigatou Nozomi. _ _ ” _ _ She smiles and I can feel my heart is beating much faster than before.  _ _ “ _ _ You _ _ ’ _ _ re welcome Elicchi. Who knew that the cute and cool Elichika has a fear of darkness though. _ _ ” _ _ Her eyes are glowing with warmth before she decided to tease me with that nickname. _ _ ” _ _ M-Mou! No..zo..mi..! _ _ ” _ _ I hid under the blanket as I could feel my cheeks burning up. I can hear Nozomi giggles and I can also feel the bed shifting.  _ _ “ _ _ Gomen, Elicchi. Your just too cute. _ _ ” _ _ I can feel her hot breath through the blanket. Still hiding under the blanket, I turned over and hug her again.  _ _ “ _ _ Mou, go to sleep already Nozomi _ _ …” _ _ As I soon as I said those words I could feel myself slipping away in slumber at the warmth of Nozomi not listening to her words that night. _

__

_ “ _ _ Good night, Elicchi.. I... _ _ ” _

__

_ [End of flashback] _

__

_ And I decided to just sleep and think about the confession again the next day. And somehow I _ _ ’ _ _ m missing the warmth of my bestfriend on that night. _

__

 

**I'm sure that I would've been better off ignorant**

**Holding such pain in my chest,**

**I smiled each day, not saying a word about it**

**and told myself to forget**

**I shut away my memories, heartbreak**

 

 _ After a few weeks thinking about it, I decided to accept her confession. I can _ _ ’t  bear the thought that I would get rejected if I confessed to **her**. Call me a coward but I just can _ _ ’t severe our friendship like that. After all, she is my first bestfriend when I came to school. Alysa was very happy, but I can _ _ ’t help but feel guilty for doing this. I told her that I do love someone else and that I might not be able to fully love her. But Alysa just accepts it and told me to do my best at confessing my own feelings. Until then she insists to make me fell in love for her.  _

__

_ On that day I also decided to finally tell Nozomi what had been troubling me and also about the confession.  _ _ "Nozomi!!" I called out to her as I finally found her. "Elicchi? What is it?" Nozomi turned around as she asked. "You look like you have your dream came true." And teasing me endlessly. "Mou, Nozomi!" I could feel my cheeks redden and the heat rises. Though now that I caught her attention, I hesitates whether I should tell her or not. "Elicchi?"  "Ne, Nozomi..." I could see her getting worried again so I decided to tell her. " Nozomi, I have been confessed to."  She looked shocked and an emotion flickered from her eyes but it disappeared before I could confirmed it. Nozomi is acting weird and I’m worried since she is always calm.  "Nozomi-" "Did you accept Elicchi?" She cut me off by asking as I decided to answer her. "Y-yes. You see I've known her from back home(russia). She moved back here in japan a few years back and apparently she knew that I lived here and she met me a few weeks ago." I nervously answers her when Nozomi suddenly asked again. "The person is a girl?"  "Ah, yes." I blushed again from embarrassment and the feeling of her being disgusted. "Are you disgusted? You probably are. Hahah. I mean who could expect the serious and strict Eli Ayase likes girls. You probably hate me don't you? And -" Before I could finish, she cuts me off again. "Eli, no matter who or what you are. Your always my bestfriend. And I could never hate you" She smiled and I felt relieve that she hate me. "Thank you Nozomi." I smiled to her feeling intense relieve but at the same time I could feel myself feeling hurt. _

__

_  After all… _

 

 **With this clich** **é** **d sadness and clich** **é** **d pain,**

**I barely hold back tears and watch the stars**

**They shine brighter than usual, and seem to fall**

**As they quietly illuminate me...**

**These feelings will settle down gradually**

**As time passes, you too will fade**

**When will this become a distant memory?**

**Time has passed, you have faded**

_ And soon the rest of  _ _ μ's found out about my relationship. Everyone is very supportive. I was happy but I couldn _ _ ’t let go of my feelings for **her**. I couldn _ _ ’t get rid of this feelings for my first love and bestfriend. I couldn _ _ ’t let her knew but every time I try to forget **her** face would appear. Her cute voice lingers in my mind, she make me want to touch those soft purple hair of her, although she teases me constantly she always comforted me to the end, emerald eye which is as  mysterious as her personality and many more to remember about her that I _ _ ’m sure I couldn _ _ ’t resist. _

__

_ Though now we spent less and less time together, until it _ _ ’s a day before graduation. I had decided to let my feeling out before we all went our separate ways  _ _ – though I hadn _ _ ’t told the rest of  _ _ μ's what I would do yet- So I searched high and low for Nozomi. I haven _ _ ’t seen her in this few weeks and when I did found her I was glad and nervous at the same time. Nozomi was talking to someone and I recognize her as, Ryo Aikawa. Our classmate who took acting. I wondered why is she with Nozomi but I pushed the thought aside since I have more important things to think off. And  that is finally confessing to my bestfriend and my first love, Nozomi. And so I steel myself and get ready.  _ _ “Alright Eli, let _ _ ’s do this _ _ ”. I took a step forward when I saw something heartbreaking. Nozomi was crying about something happily although that wasn _ _ ’t what break me the most. What break me was that Nozomi was hugged by Ryo and Nozomi said something to her and hug her tightly. I could see Nozomi _ _ ’s face is red.  _ _ “Are they in a relationship? _ _ ” It looks like it. I turn around and ran away not wanting to see more and I could feel my heart shatters. What I didn _ _ ’t realize was I didn _ _ ’t hear the conversation till the end.  _

__

_ “Nozomi-san. Thank you for your guidance. If you hadn _ _ ’t told me what to do, I wouldn _ _ ’t have confessed to that person _ _ ”  _ _ “It _ _ ’s fine Ryo-kun. Congratulations. _ _ ”  _

**I repeatedly question why, heartbreak**

**My never-ending sadness and never-ending pain**

**Flow like the waves until dawn breaks**

**My feelings swirl more violently than usual**

**And I feel as though I could fall apart completely**

_ I cried many times that night. I hid the feelings again and deciding to keep it to myself. Soon graduation has ended and I told the rest of  _ _ μ's my plans. Nico decides to follow her mother _ _ ’s footsteps on becoming a lawyer and Nozomi decides to take _ _ Arts and Media major. _

__

_ Everyone went home and before I walked away I saw Maki talked to Nozomi. I looked at Nozomi one last time before I walk away knowing this will be the last I saw before I went back to Russia. _

__

_ Step by step I could hear my heart shatters as soon as I walked into my home and I immediately plop right to bed.  My heart grows heavy as I remembered the scene of Ryo and Nozomi hugging. _

**Should I sleep? The moon eventually grows light**

**A gentle dream falls upon my chest**

**With this clich** **é** **d sadness and clich** **é** **d pain,**

**I barely hold back tears and watch the stars**

**They shine brighter than usual, and seem to fall**

**As they quietly illuminate me...**

I opened my eyes and saw the moon shines brightly lighting the dark room. *bzzt* I took my phone and say a message from Alysa. I read them and replies back. Once I’m done I put my phone down and curled up in the cover and close my eyes. I can feel myself drifting into a nice dream. Look outside and saw the stars shone brightly, _like her eyes_ , I could feel the tears running down my cheeks and curled up some more. I couldn’t hold my sobs down as I bawl out loud. My feelings over whelming me. _“_ _Even though I have a girlfriend_ _…_ _I_ _’_ _m still like this_ _…_ _I_ _’_ _m sorry_ _…_ _Nozomi_ _…_ _I love you. I love you. Even if you can_ _’_ _t hear me. I love you, Nozomi. My adorable non-tan_ _”_


End file.
